“Mama stay”

  “Mama stay” she pleads, every night before she fall asleeps. Nap time is completely different. She’ll lay down in her bed and I’ll sing a song or two and then she’ll drift off to sleep all by herself while I’m in the other room. Why is nighttime so much harder? What is it about the dark night that makes us just want someone closer, someone to stay with us, hold us close, until we find peace? Sometimes we feel the same way during the day. We all long for peace and relationship. 

I started attending this class at church a few weeks ago. It’s been helping me grow deeper; specifically in my relationship with God. Last Sunday someone said, “God’s language is silence. We don’t practice that well these days… God is present all the time…” Then they challenged us to be more present for a God who is always there silently waiting. 

My daughter has helped me do this. I wrote this post almost a year ago. My days are still filled with caring for a toddler (now 2 yrs old) who prefers me to anyone else. I’m getting more me time than a year ago but am still busy just in different ways. This 2 yr old now talks and says things like “mama stay”, “mama up please”, “mama sit/play/read/sing….” you get the idea. I wouldn’t trade these moments. In fact when I’m tired or overwhelmed I try to remember our basic needs for so many things. To be still, be held, be loved and cared for. When my daughter wants me to sit with her until she’s asleep I’ve begun to 

try to practice silence as I sit there. Sometimes I pray, but mostly I try to listen. I try to be present not only physically for my daughter but silently for a God who is always present and waiting for these moments when I am still and can hear His voice. 

Don’t let me fool you into thinking I’ve been doing this for awhile or even am any good at it. I just started this practice a couple days ago. One of the first few times however I heard God share this with me and I want to share it with whoever reads this… 

God breathed into man, life.

 “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” ‭Genesis‬ ‭2:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

That breath is always with us and can be used as a means to peace. Sit down, be still.  You can always find your breath and following it can help you relax, be silent and still. Let God do the rest. 

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John 3:16

“For God so loved the world, He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life.”

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When you just don’t understand

My heart is breaking tonight. One of my very best friend’s is losing her nephew. He’s only one week old. Her brother and his girlfriend welcomed a beautiful baby boy into this world one week ago today. They held him, fed him, and loved him at first sight. Then in just a short 24 hours everything changed. He developed an infection and a host of other things eventually bringing us to today where they were faced with an impossible to comprehend situation. I’m not going to go into too many other details out of respect for the family. 

I try to take comfort in knowing he will soon rest in Jesus’ arms. It’s just times like these when life isn’t fair. It doesn’t make any sense. It hurts. My heart breaks for this family. We’ve seen this little boy bring so many people together and restore broken relationships in his short week here on Earth, but how can it be over so soon? Why? We will never understand why God needs him more than us. 

I have no words for his family. I feel like I’m experiencing all the stages of grief in one evening. I can only imagine how they are feeling. I want to hold my child close and never let her go. There are no words that can bring comfort in a situation like this. Hugs, tears, memories of those first 24 hours with him in his parents arms and holding one another close this past week. Those will be what this family needs to get through each moment from here on out. 

Be present with your loved ones. Hold them close. Tell them you love them and let things go. Know that this earth is fleeing and eternity is near. 

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