What I want this Mother’s  day (and the rest to come)

What I want this Mother’s Day and honestly all the rest to come is for this weekend to pass as peacefully and harmlessly as possible for my close friends and the strangers I may never meet, yet, who I know struggle with watching their dream slowly slip away from them.  

If we all take a moment, each one of us has had a moment in our life where we’ve realized achieving one of our dreams is going to be a lot harder than we ever anticipated. A lot more difficult than we ever imagined it could be, it SHOULD be. A lot more challenging then apparently it is for everyone else around us. Obviously you do everything you can to achieve it and some actually do, usually at a great cost which they’ll say was worth every challenging and down right painful moment, right? However, for others at some point they become exhausted, depleted, completely run dry and what if their dream is still out of reach? Unexplained and seemingly impossible to attain despite every effort on their part?

Now imagine if there is an event every year that celebrates your dream and all those who have (seemingly) easily attained it. Yet you aren’t celebrated. You smile, you try to celebrate with others all while your heart is breaking and your mind can only think will I ever be celebrated for achieving this? Is this in the cards for me or is my life going a different route? It’s not that you aren’t happy with life the way it is. Your life could be so full in other ways and you could be completely content with so much about your life yet still wonder why this dream of yours, the dream you thought was a given, there for the taking when you were ready, is so much more difficult for you than most and may no longer be attainable for you? 

It doesn’t seem fair does it? Life isn’t fair and some times life really hurts. It isn’t fair some have a holiday to celebrate their dreams and others don’t. It isn’t fair those who have to work so hard to achieve their dreams, or be told it isn’t possible have to watch others who don’t appear to deserve or appreciate those same dreams go on and achieve them, take advantage of them and sometimes even abuse them. 

Does this mean no one should celebrate? Does this mean holidays like this shouldn’t exist and those who are being celebrated should go around feeling miserable and not celebrate what life has given them? Of course not. That’s not what anyone wants. 

My hope for this Mother’s Day (and the rest to come) is that I can fully appreciate what I have. Acknowledge the dream I’ve worked hard for and remember that not everyone who puts everything they have into this dream gets the same result. What I want for this Mother’s Day (and the rest to come) is for everyone to look beyond themselves. Take a step back and look at the world around you. Remember everyone has dreams and we have no idea what they are doing to try and achieve them. They could currently be struggling and giving their all to achieve them despite not knowing the outcome in the end. 

Grace. Love. An open heart and a listening ear. I’ve always liked the saying we have two ears and one mouth because we’re meant to listen twice as much as we speak. I’m still working on this but I do believe it. We’ll all be a lot better off when we share grace, love, an open heart and listening ears with one another. Please remember that this Mother’s Day (and the rest to come). 

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Women’s Retreat 2016

Last weekend I went away to the mountains with some other women from my new church here in Charlotte. The mountains, ocean, or nature in general gives me a sense of peace like nowhere indoors is able to. There is just something about being surrounded with a space so much larger than life itself that makes me feel like my soul is home. The conference was designed in such a nice way with a great balance of group message, small group gatherings, and down time to tend to your own individual soul and reflect or just physically rest. We all know how as adults we are lacking time for the naps we crave. We had an entire afternoon free, nearly 6 hrs! There were activities available if you felt inclined to get a pedicure, massage, do some art with watercolors, hike to a waterfall, or exercise to name a few. At the inn where we stayed there was also an amazing porch with rocking chairs facing the sunrise and beautiful views. So, in other words it was a very refreshing weekend away.

The theme for the retreat was Steady. We had a speaker, a close friend of someone at my church, who came all the way from Canada , and out of her public speaking comfort zone to share with us her story. Grace, God’s steadfast love, and the ability to be stable and on a firm foundation through knowing who God is. She spoke about how she believes we all have 3 chapters and to the extent we understand our chapter 1, is the extent we understand life in Christ.

Chapter 1 is death and sin. Sin has no sliding scale. Sin=Death There is different consequences for sin but no difference in sin itself. We like to believe because we haven’t committed some heinous crime based on earthly human standards we are overall a good person. The Bible teaches from the moment Adam and Eve broke God’s first and only command, sin and death entered the world. Sin isn’t something we do, it is something in us that we have no control over.

“We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do, this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me… Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me though Jesus Christ our Lord!” Romans 7:14-25

Chapter 2 is Being called, loved, and saved through God’s love. God loves, period. I love the way our speaker spoke about Christ’s love. I’ve heard the story of Christ’s crucifixion many times. I will admit one thing I’ve always done is focus on how He died. I’ve been to many Good Friday services where they show you the awful, gruesome way Christ was beat, tortured, and nailed to a cross to die. What I’ve missed all these years is the most important piece of His death. The way He died isn’t what the focus should be, it’s nothing special. There were two other criminals there with Him, dying the same way and many other people before and after him who were nailed to a cross to die. What makes His story different is He STAYED. His LOVE for you and I and the world in which His Father created kept Him there. He CHOSE to STAY for us because He LOVES.

He chose to stay and now we have a Chapter 2 that erases our Chapter 1.  That is also why we can only understand our life and relationship with Christ to the extent we understand our chapter 1 (sin and need for a Savior) I pray that everyone will understand the extent of God’s love for them. Too many let their past or present define them. One practice we did on the retreat was fill in the blanks:

Even though (fill in the blank), I will rejoice.

Even though I’m unsteady, I will rejoice.

Even though I often lose my cool, I will rejoice.

Even though I swear more than I’d like, I will rejoice.

In Christ there is no shame. Shame is from the enemy but don’t get me wrong when you follow Christ there will be time for correction. Correction, however, does not destroy you, it changes you and stabilizes you. It lifts you up and shows you your true identity. Trust me, your identity through Christ is so much more than you could ever imagine. Which brings us to Chapter 3, how do we become who we were made to be?

Biblical Foundation. We need to know WHO GOD IS. This is where I am always growing. I’ve grown up hearing about God and been surrounded by it my entire life. However my head knowledge is not as far along as I’d like it to be. I’m insecure in my faith. I have a relationship with God but crave to KNOW HIM MORE. If this is where you are too than I encourage you to spend more time with Him. How do you get to know someone you’ve just met and are more interested in getting to know? You stalk them right? haha just kidding but you do spend as much time as possible with them. You ask them questions, have conversations over coffee or dinner. You try to find time to fit them into your crazy busy schedule. How often do you do that with God? Are you making time in your life to get to know Him more? I heard recently, God’s language is silence and in 2016 we don’t practice that well. Silence is the gateway to your soul. Practice silence and intentionally remove distractions whenever you can. You may be surprised with how much you hear when you are still and silent.

I leave you with one last thing I heard from the speaker on the retreat. We each have small subjective details in our lives unique to us. Our testimony is the same. God saved us. We were in sin, it’s His story, He saved us. We can’t add or take away from that. We were all raised from death. The story of Lazarus has a whole new meaning to me now. Jesus stands outside our graves every day. He shouts “_____ come forth” It’s up to us to rise and walk out of our grave. We all have a choice, but that doesn’t change the fact that He is standing arms stretched out, calling us by name and inviting us to join Him.

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“Mama stay”

  “Mama stay” she pleads, every night before she fall asleeps. Nap time is completely different. She’ll lay down in her bed and I’ll sing a song or two and then she’ll drift off to sleep all by herself while I’m in the other room. Why is nighttime so much harder? What is it about the dark night that makes us just want someone closer, someone to stay with us, hold us close, until we find peace? Sometimes we feel the same way during the day. We all long for peace and relationship. 

I started attending this class at church a few weeks ago. It’s been helping me grow deeper; specifically in my relationship with God. Last Sunday someone said, “God’s language is silence. We don’t practice that well these days… God is present all the time…” Then they challenged us to be more present for a God who is always there silently waiting. 

My daughter has helped me do this. I wrote this post almost a year ago. My days are still filled with caring for a toddler (now 2 yrs old) who prefers me to anyone else. I’m getting more me time than a year ago but am still busy just in different ways. This 2 yr old now talks and says things like “mama stay”, “mama up please”, “mama sit/play/read/sing….” you get the idea. I wouldn’t trade these moments. In fact when I’m tired or overwhelmed I try to remember our basic needs for so many things. To be still, be held, be loved and cared for. When my daughter wants me to sit with her until she’s asleep I’ve begun to 

try to practice silence as I sit there. Sometimes I pray, but mostly I try to listen. I try to be present not only physically for my daughter but silently for a God who is always present and waiting for these moments when I am still and can hear His voice. 

Don’t let me fool you into thinking I’ve been doing this for awhile or even am any good at it. I just started this practice a couple days ago. One of the first few times however I heard God share this with me and I want to share it with whoever reads this… 

God breathed into man, life.

 “Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.” ‭Genesis‬ ‭2:7‬ ‭NIV‬‬

That breath is always with us and can be used as a means to peace. Sit down, be still.  You can always find your breath and following it can help you relax, be silent and still. Let God do the rest. 

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