As some of you may know almost 2 years ago Paul and I began trying to start a family. At that time we had no idea what was in store.
I began writing a letter to our future son/daughter in November 2010. I still have it. It’s a lot longer than I expected it would be as I’ve been adding to it after each experience on this journey to meet him/her.
On August 1, 2012 we met someone. We heard their little heart beat and saw all 7 weeks 3 days of their body in that ultrasound. We took a video because this was the farthest we had gotten on this journey to meeting baby VanGundy. We shared it with close family members and were celebrating who I believed would be the recipient of that letter I had written what seems like so long ago. August 16th came and I had another ultrasound because I was a high risk patient. (I had an early miscarriage at 6 weeks in March 2012.) We were excited about this ultrasound because we wanted/ needed to see you again, to see how much you’d grown in two weeks and hear your heart beat again confirming all was ok and we had nothing to worry about. I was very anxious. With a previous miscarriage I feared the worse and needed to hear and see you again to know that everything was ok. Unfortunately my worst fears came true. Somewhere between 9 and 9 and half weeks you stopped growing and your heart stopped beating.
August 1, 2012 was hands down one of the best days of my life.
August 16, 2012 was the worst.
Now a few weeks later I am still trying to heal physically and emotionally. I can not express enough how grateful Paul and I are to have so many friends and family in this world. Your prayers, thoughts, letting me talk/cry/vent sessions, have gotten me through the last few months. It has gotten me through the past 2 years and will continue to carry me through the next. Even those of you won’t didn’t know what we were going through, I know you care and I know you still lift Paul and I up. We have felt every prayer, every thought, and every care. Thank you.
I pray it’s not another 2yrs before I have a child to share that letter with. Until then I keep adding to it because that’s what this life is, one long piece of paper that we continue to write our story on every day.