it seems so long ago yet it wasn’t really. Those days when I wondered if I’d ever be where I am now… If I’d ever be a mom. The hope, the fears, the longing, the uncertainty. So many emotions were displayed over those 3 years. It feels like a dream now.
As my days are full of entertaining a toddler. Wearing a baby wherever I go, Cleaning spaces in the apartment over and over, wiping a beautiful face, changing diapers, wrestling a toddler into clothes every single morning, every time we need take the dog out, and after every single diaper change. I’m ready for bed the moment she falls asleep. I stay awake because it’s the only time Paul and I have together, alone, anymore. It seems as though morning arrives just as I’m finally closing my eyes.
13 months and she’s still breastfed. I don’t know why but she always wants me. Only me. I thought it was a phase but it’s never passed. As her Aunt said after seeing her this weekend, She’s never met a stranger and loves people. She’s very social and interactive. That said, when she’s hurt, she looks for me, tired, hungry, uncertain, she wants (needs) me. When anyone else tries to take her she loses her mind. You’d think she was being tortured. I had no idea how attached my daughter would be to me. I always wanted to be a mom. I am now a mom who’s always wanted.
The days are long and the sleep is short. She’s worth it. I’m tired and could use 5 min (really 24hrs, but I’d take a few minutes). I take 5 minutes to remember what it was like before. Those 3 years when I longed and my heart ached for this. I hoped and prayed one day I’d hold my baby in my arms. Each and every day I get to hold my baby in my arms. I get to wear my baby, clean up her messes, wipe her face, change those diapers, and I get to wrestle my strong willed, very opinionated little lady into clothes every morning, after every diaper change and into a jacket to take out the dog over and over all day long.
My daughter. I get to do all these things with my girl. 3 years ago I wondered if I’d ever be here. Today I couldn’t imagine life any other way.