So incredibly thankful

Tonight I just want to write how so incredibly thankful my dream came true. There are no words but I’m going to try and scribble something down. I’m going to do my best to explain how my daughter, becoming a mother, and reaching my dream makes me feel.

Unbelievable. As far back as I can remember, I wanted to be a mom. Not sure the reasoning behind it or why it was my dream but, deep in my heart, I knew I was meant to be a mom.

Maybe it was where I grew up. Maybe I grew up seeing people married young, having babies, buying houses (not necessarily in that order). It was just what women did. They had babies.

Maybe it was because I’ve always had a passion for children. Babies, especially, fueled my career choices of childcare teacher, nanny, and babysitter. I’ve always loved children, why wouldn’t I have my own?

Well I grew up. I matured and realized the road to motherhood isn’t always easy and there is a lot more to being a women than getting married and having babies. I’ve watched many friends and my own siblings build families and wonderful careers. Some had children, some chose not to. Either way children had nothing to do with their identity. Mom was just a title along with others such as educator, lawyer, doctor, business leader, soldier, or military spouse.

At one point I even began to accept that I may never have a child of my own. Not by choice, but by circumstance and I had to come to terms with that. Even while trying to make peace with not achieving a dream that I’d always had, deep down I felt someone telling me that one day I was going to be a mom. Some days I believed that voice. Others it was too painful to even hear it’s whisper.

Well I just have to say I am unbelievably happy that voice was speaking truth. I am one of the fortunate who is able to live my dream. I will not take it for granted. Not even one day. I may be tired being woken up at 11pm, 1, 3, and then again at 5 and 7am, but I will be thankful for my baby girl who is waking me. Not too long ago I’d given anything to be here today.

There are too many still waiting their turn. Life isn’t fair. My heart breaks for those woman who are where I was not that long ago, just as other’s hearts broke for me. I wish I could offer some sort of comfort but I know words can’t remove the longing of a dream unfulfilled.

What I can do is continue being grateful for my baby girl. I can continue to appreciate every moment and not take a single one for granted. I am still in shock I’m really here. When M mutters the word “mama” for the first time, my heart will for sure skip a beat. It already does when she smiles her biggest smile as I say mama to her. I love her with my entire being. She is my heart. I know how blessed I am and I know how close I came to never meeting her. I am so unbelievably happy that soon I will hear my daughter utter those words I’ve waited my whole life for. “Mama” My heart will skip a beat, tears will fall and my life will be complete.

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Marijka Monday

The big news this past week is Marijka’s half birthday!

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Can’t believe my baby is 6 months already. She loves it when her daddy plays the ukulele for her. She also helped mommy drive a Boston duck boat.

Marijka is beginning to actually swallow some of the purees I’ve been making now. She also had rice for the first time over the weekend. She basically grabbed it off my plate so we gave her some and she practiced her fine motor and hand eye coordination skills by reaching, picking it up, and putting it in her mouth. She’s brilliant! Lol No pics of the rice but here she is enjoying some avacado purée and daddy playing music.

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We also received the professional pictures taken at Marijka’s baptism. They turned out beautiful! I’ve posted a few on Facebook but if you’d like to see more let me know.

Have a wonderful Monday everyone!

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Marijka Monday

Best thing that happened this week, well funniest anyway:

We were at a party Friday night and a young girl around 6 maybe saw Marijka and said to my friend, “that baby looks like an animal from The Grinch. I know that’s not very nice to say, but it’s true.”

After some further questioning we understood she meant Marijka looked like Cindy Lou Hoo. Ha, kid wasn’t lying. What do you think? I can see what she meant. Lol

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We’ve also found some infant swings near our new apartment. Swinging is now something we try to do as often as possible. M seems to enjoy it! Her life is so much more exciting now that she can sit up!

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She can even sit in high chairs at restaurants now. When did my baby get so grown up?

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Have a happy Monday and a wonderful week ahead! (Also props to my mom for reminding me to write today’s post. Paul’s home sick from work today, so I haven’t really even remembered it’s Monday) The last few pictures were taken especially for you, mom. I know how much you love carousels. Marijka went on her first one this week. Rides were free Friday so we went and thought of you. Yes I know she’s riding backyard in the one photo. It’s because she wouldn’t look at the camera and kept looking toward me so I turned her around to get a pic quick. You’ll see she rode the right direction once the ride started. :)

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