Yesterday Paul and I
celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary. I crossed out the word “celebrated” because we barely remembered it. Life with a newborn leaves you with little sleep to know what day it is let alone that it’s a specific day. Overall the day was nice because we were together. However it sure had it’s ups and downs.
Ups: M’s godfather and family came to visit, Paul and I went to church and looked at a condo we later decided to pass on.
Downs: The day ended with projectile vomit by M all over me, her, and our bed. Then while trying to clip her nails later, as she slept on me, I pinched her pinky finger therefore causing her to scream and me to burst into tears for the second time of the day.
There is nothing like hearing your child cry. It’s bad enough when it’s not your fault. When it is your fault it’s just unbearable. I’ve clipped many infant’s nails before and never pinched them. Of course I would my own child’s! Ahhhh! So the mittens went back on her hands until I feel brave enough to try again.
I’m very thankful for the laundry facilities we have. Even if they are across the street in the other building. Last night was one of those “emergency laundry situations” and I’m glad we didn’t have to lug it all to the laundromat. People were right, babies make a lot of laundry. Especially when they decide to vomit the equivalent of a water bottle being dumped on you. M doesn’t appear to be sick like I feared. I think it was more a gag from chugging fast flowing milk and everything came up with it. We took her temp just to be safe and it was normal. I have to say if she were sick I would be so upset because as her mom it would obviously be all my fault.
This being a mom business is not for the faint of heart. The emotion and love that can be felt for another human being is indescribable. Just as I would of given my own breath for my other babies to have taken one more, as I am holding my baby girl there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for her.
I know she’ll experience pain in her lifetime. I know it’ll be my job to teach her how to handle uncomfortable and difficult situations. I’m not sure how I’ll be as strong as I need to for her but I’ll do my best because she’s my baby girl and, as her mom, my job is to teach her how to be strong.
Just like she’s the spotlight of what was supposed to be an anniversary post, she was the spotlight yesterday. For the next several years she’ll be the spotlight of our life. That’s ok by us because we know it was just the two of us for almost 12years. We couldn’t be happier sharing our 13th year and many more with her.
Here’s a pic of our family walk along the Charles River this weekend.
look for more pics next week as I start a new Monday series called, Marijka Monday
“Let it go” is a very popular song these days. The movie, Frozen, has been in theaters for months and has won many awards.
This version of the song is quite comical and I couldn’t resist sharing. When you go to the webpage scroll down and watch the video. It’s just plain awesome.
One of the first things I believe new parents learn is to let go. Let go of everything because you can’t control anything.
Let go of the undone chores.
Let go of the lack of sleep.
Let go of the fact that newborns don’t know day from night.
Let go of the meals that are cold by the time you sit down to try and eat them.
Let go of the days you don’t have time for a shower or to even get out of your pajamas.
Let go of stress.
Let go of the old you.
Let go of your expectations and embrace reality.
Live in the moment. This moment is all we are promised. We don’t know what tomorrow holds so remember to focus on today. This moment hold your loved ones close and take it all in.
Let go of the past. Let go of an unknown future. Embrace now.
I’ve written posts about being a parent or what it’s like to be a mom in the past.
Now as I hold my baby girl I feel like writing what being a mom means to me in this moment…
First and foremost it means unconditional love.
The saying is true that you don’t know love so deep until you hold your newborn in your arms. It’s a different love than any other, an unconditional love. A love only described by another favorite saying of mine. Having a child is like having a piece of your heart walking around outside your body. Marijka is so much of my heart and having those pieces outside my body is overwhelming.
Secondly being a mom means slowing down. She’s already changed. In just two short weeks she looks different. She now weighs 7lb 5oz. Often I hear moms say “if only I could freeze time.” Now I’m saying the same thing. As I sit in this chair holding my baby girl I think of how quickly she’ll be grown. I’ll no longer cradle her in my arms. As she grows she may still rest her head on my chest but it will only be for moments instead of hours as she naps.
Looking into her beautiful blue eyes I think about how I wouldn’t want to be anywhere but right here. Sure I just put my lunch in the microwave and can hear the alarm signaling it’s ready. Half the laundry is put away while the rest sits on the bed waiting for another moment of spare time. I’m cold and would love to grab a warmer shirt or put on a pair of socks, I’ve been meaning to start the dishwasher for hours… None of these things are enough to pull me away from this moment. I’m a mom and this is where I want to be.
It took me one week. That’s how long I kept track of each feeding. Which side did I nurse on last? What time was it? How long has it been? Do I need to wake her up? Being a mom is so much easier when I let go of all the tracking. I follow her cues. She tells me when it’s time to eat. So what if it’s only been an hour or she slept 3 hours and now eats for twice as long. I am much happier since I threw the tracking out the window. I’m not stressed she is eating too often or not enough. She’s content and when I feel she’s telling me she’s hungry and she eats it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since her last meal.
I also understand what it means when parents say they’ll do anything to get some sleep. If we only get sleep if she sleeps on us then she’ll sleep on us for a couple hours. She loves to sleep on her side and she prefers not to be swaddled. This is against the “norm” but you know what, she sleeps and we all sleep. This equals out to a good thing. I’m letting go of the “norm” and following my baby girls cues.
It means sacrifice. It means pushing through when I’m tired because she needs me. It means sucking it up when I’m in pain because she is in more without me. At the same time it means taking care of myself so I can take care of her. Being a mom is a fine balance of many skills. It’s a job I’ve waited years for and will forever be thankful that I’ve been given the opportunity to have.
I’ll spend the rest of my lifetime cherishing these moments with my baby girl. As long as I can I will choose her. I will choose to slow down, live in the moment and let everything that doesn’t matter go. This is what being a mom means to me.